The coolest loos in London

If you wanna do a number two with Boney M as your background music, look no further. You didn't think Jacuzzi would forget about its toilets when it came to decorating this outrageously over-the-top restaurant, did you? This former bank vault turned toilet is kitted out with endless mirrors and glittering disco balls. The cubicles also allow you to look out while you're doing your business, but thankfully, nobody can see inside the other way around. Talk about a fun but anxiety-inducing no. 2.

The loos in Bobby Fitzpatrick are a vintage dream, with pastel green tiles, baby pink toilets, and an old-school hand dryer. There's a shelf for extra loo rolls, potted plants, and '70s reading material for those who like to flick while they do their business. 

The Ned is an architectural gem located in the former Midland Bank building in The City, in a Grade I-listed building dating back to the early 20th century. The Ned's toilets are just as impressive as every other part of the hotel. You'll find a black-and-white chequered floor and pink tiled walls lined with sinks that have exposed plumbing and mirrors with their own lights. There's even a plush velvet centrepiece chair.

Designed by Martin Brudnizki, a Swedish interior architect and product designer, Brasserie of Light at Selfridges captured the attention of design lovers and Instagrammers in 2018, quickly becoming a social media sensation. The restaurant's focal point is a stunning, crystal-adorned statue of Pegasus by Damien Hirst, but the toilet, decked out entirely in sleek pink marble, is equally worthy of an Instagram snapshot.

If toilets were celebrities, the Sketch toilets would be the Kardashians – Kylie Jenner even has a selfie in there on her Instagram (and so do Bella Hadid, Serena Williams, Sophie Turner... you get the gist). These iconic egg-shaped loos are constantly plastered all over the grid, and it's not hard to see why. The rainbow-lit ceiling makes it feel like you've stepped straight into a sci-fi movie. Celebs love them, and so do we. 

You know that feeling you get when you've been sitting down drinking, and you stand up and suddenly feel very drunk? Well, that's the feeling you'll get when you walk into the toilets at Nopi. Designed by Alex Meitlis, these are some of the most Instagrammed toilets in London, probably because it's basically just one big mirror, and who can resist a selfie when you've got 360 degrees of reflection?

Annabel's might have the most Instagrammable toilets in London (yes, we know we've said this for every single loo so far, but we really mean it this time). These bog rooms are located on the third floor of the lavish private members' hangout in Mayfair, so you'll probably never get to see them. But our description will suffice: picture four million mosaic tiles covering the walls, floors, and ceilings, decorated in patterns inspired by the most incredible rainforests and jungles in the world. The most impressive part? The 500 kg crocodile sink made from one big chunk of green onyx.

The Mandrake's toilets are just as elegant as the hotel itself, which happens to be one of London's most stylish boltholes. It's moody, sultry and oozes five-star vibes. This sexy, sophisticated washroom is kitted out in a minimalist design, complete with deep sinks and gold accents.

It's no surprise Tonight Josephine's toilets are just as striking as the rest of the bar. This iconic spot is named after the hedonistic first Empress of the French, Josephine, and is clad head-to-toe in pink; it's Legally Blonde's dream. Think empowering neon signs, sparkly pink walls and a mirrored ceiling. But that's just the bar. The toilets are often referred to as Lohan's loos, as each toilet door features a mugshot of noughties queen Lindsay Lohan, which makes for a pretty iconic Instagram post.

Aqua Shard might be one of London's most iconic dining destinations, but it's also home to some of London's most iconic toilets. The loos at Aqua Shard are known for their stunning London vistas, thanks to floor-to-ceiling windows that overlook the cityscape, providing a remarkable backdrop while you, er, do your bizness. 

Known for its lively atmosphere and creative cocktails, this bar is a favourite among locals and visitors alike. It features a unique and eclectic interior design, including its pretty jazzy toilets. The restaurant actually used to be a public toilet but is now a striking subterranean cocktail bar and, well, the bathrooms, expect glittery signs, floral wallpaper, disco balls, and hits to boogie to.

Bōkan is one of the restaurants that could give The Shard a run for its money when it comes to loos with a view. This lovely rooftop bar boasts floor-to-ceiling windows in the toilets, offering epic city skyline views. Best to avoid this one if you're not a fan of heights. 

Carlotta is the latest restaurant from Big Mamma, and, as you probably expected, their toilet is something to get excited about. Aside from the 'Gender Fluid' handwash, there are mirrored walls, sleek black cubicles with black toilet seats, and a big Virgin Mary statue in the middle of the sinks. How's that for a loo?

If you're after a dystopian wee, you've come to the right place. Otherworld is a futuristic VR bar, so it's no surprise their loos also max out on the ultra-modern vibe. We actually tried these ones for ourselves and can confirm they're quite an experience. The toilets themselves are the Japanese-style ones that have a million buttons on the side. So when you've finished your business, you can spray water and dry yourself with air. Just make sure you press the right button…

You'd expect the toilets in NQ64 to be just as outrageous as the bar itself, which is clad in neon and filled with retro arcade games. The bathrooms are decorated with neon graffiti, but the most surprising part is that two toilets sit side by side with one another directly opposite an arcade bubble shooting game. Ideal for those who prefer to pee with a friend (no judgement here).

Sea Containers on the South Bank not only has extra pillowy quilted loo roll but also boasts a full-length mirror so you can do a quick fit check in between sipping champagne on their stunning rooftop bar. This black-and-gold-embellished bathroom is mostly marble, so it's as sleek as it gets.  Plus, the fancy gold taps and luxurious Lore handwash round off the experience nicely.

Here's another disco toilet to add to your must-visit London loos because you can never have too many. Boom Battle Bar on Oxford Street has a big red button which turns the bathroom into your very own personal disco upon pressing, turning the bog-standard (ahem), white-tiled toilet into a boogie wonderland.

The Princess Louise is a testament to the Victorian era's penchant for opulence in their cherished pubs, evidenced by its Grade II-listing, which even extends to features like its marble urinals. Have some drinks in the grandiose establishment, then venture into the toilets for one of the poshest pees of your life.